Chores are an excellent opportunity to teach our kids values, like family connection, giving, contribution, hard work, interdependence. They are ideal to use as a structure for building values, which is one of the many reasons that paying your child for doing chores is ill-advised . In fact, research from Harvard has shown that children who have responsibilities during their formative years tend to experience greater happiness and success in adulthood. Further research from Harvard Medical School even describes lack of chores as “a disservice” to your children (2024). Let’s explore more about why chores (and not paying your kids to do them!) is so invaluable.
Chores teach kids accountability. Completing tasks helps children understand the importance of contributing to the household in addition to learning invaluable life skills. Many of these will serve them throughout their lives, such as cooking, cleaning, and organization. Chores foster independence as kids learn to manage tasks on their own. And when the opportunity arises, working together on chores can strengthen family bonds and teach kids the value of collaboration. Not only that: completing tasks boosts self-esteem and gives kids a sense of accomplishment. The benefits of reasonable responsibility through chores are exponential, and they should not be used as a payment system. Here is a more in depth explanation as to why paying your children to do chores is not the ideal approach.
1. Instills Responsibility
Chores should be viewed as a family contribution rather than a paid assignment. By not offering payment, you help kids understand that contributing to the household is part of being a family member and in turn, you are instilling these family values. When we begin to involve a monetary transaction, the focus on the family relationships and contribution just for the sake of giving of oneself (without direct payoff) is diluted.
2. Promotes Intrinsic Motivation
When kids do chores without pay, they learn to take pride in their contributions and experience a sense of accomplishment. This intrinsic motivation can foster a strong work ethic.
3. Encourages Teamwork
Chores help build a sense of community and teamwork within the family. Paying for chores can create a transactional mindset, detracting from the collaborative spirit of working together.
4. Prepares for Real-Life Responsibilities
In adulthood, many responsibilities don’t come with monetary rewards. Teaching kids to do chores without payment prepares them for the reality of life, where certain tasks are simply expected.
5. Reduces Entitlement
Paying for chores may lead kids to expect compensation for other responsibilities in life. This can create a mindset where they only want to do things for a reward, rather than out of obligation or care.
6. Focus on Values, Not Money
By not tying chores to payment, parents can emphasize values like cooperation, contribution, and family support, rather than a focus on financial gain.
7. Builds Stronger Family Bonds
When chores are framed as shared responsibilities, it can strengthen family bonds and encourage communication, rather than creating a business-like relationship.
8. Allows for a Broader Range of Contributions
Kids can learn to appreciate the various ways they can contribute to the household, not just through tasks that can be quantified or rewarded.
So if you’re looking to get your kids involved, there are a variety of ways to do it based on where they are in their development. Here are some age-appropriate chores:
Toddlers (2-4 years)
- Picking up toys
- Wiping spills with a damp cloth
- Sorting laundry (matching socks)
- Putting away books
- Using a handheld vacuum cleaner (my own son’s favorite chore!)
Preschoolers (4-5 years)
- Dusting low furniture
- Helping to set the table
- Watering plants
- Putting dirty clothes in the hamper
Early Elementary (6-8 years)
- Helping with meal prep (washing veggies)
- Sweeping small areas
- Taking out the trash
- Clearing the dinner table
Middle Childhood (9-12 years)
- Vacuuming
- Doing laundry (sorting and folding)
- Washing dishes or loading/unloading the dishwasher
- Cleaning their own rooms
Teens (13+ years)
- Cooking simple meals
- Grocery shopping with a list
- Cleaning bathrooms
- Yard work (mowing, raking leaves)
Overall, involving kids in chores is a fantastic way to teach them valuable life lessons. By making chores fun, age-appropriate, and unpaid, you can help instill a sense of responsibility and independence in your children, all while fostering a positive family environment. If the goal is child confidence, happiness, and transmission of the values of family connection and contribution, you must take money out of the equation!
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